Currently Browsing: Grief

A Last Testimony

A Last Testimony
February 16, 2020 marks a decade without Mom. For her this past decade should have been a golden one, enjoying her grandsons as they grew and became teenagers, buying dolls and paint sets for her granddaughter, celebrating with two of her daughters as they got married (one of them me), spending more time traveling with my dad, helping her own elderly mother…and thinking about how she wanted to celebrate her 70th birthday next year. Mom with her mom and granddaughter 10 years ago How much Mom has missed these last 10 years. How much I have missed her and longed for her! But from her...
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Beautiful Vessels

Beautiful Vessels
It’s been more than a decade since my mother gave me a crystal creamer and sugar bowl set. It’s been so long now that I don’t remember the date. But I do remember how excited I was to receive it, as well as the general timeframe when I broke the creamer—around four years after she died. I was so disappointed. It had been elegant and beautiful, and still a fresh reminder of my mother’s love for me. Now half the set was missing. It was another incident that exemplified the growing distance between my current life and my life when my mother was alive. I’ve always been on the sentimental side, but after...
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Horror Displaced by Hope

Horror Displaced by Hope
  Soon after my mother died (eight years ago today), I met with a friend who had lost her father some years earlier. She told me that at that point, she was able to think about that awful day without feeling the horror of it.   I now know what she means. Death of a loved one is horrible. Its suddenness, its consumption, its finality all leave the bereaved almost stupefied with disbelief, broken with the loss.   But by God’s grace, I don’t feel the horror of my mother’s death anymore. I still experience a lot of grieving moments, and I miss her more than words can say. But I’m able to...
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February Blossoms

February Blossoms
February started out as a difficult month for me this year. I had just begun a new class in my master’s program and spent a few weeks adjusting to the level of research required for assignments, all the while getting back into the swing of balancing a full-time job with schoolwork, church, and relational responsibilities. And I was anticipating today—the seven-year anniversary of my mother’s death—with more emotion and grieving moments than usual. Then, just before Valentine’s Day, the trees surrounding my office building broke into winter with springtime blossoms.     It was unexpectedly...
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No Ordinary Tuesday

No Ordinary Tuesday
Today was an ordinary Tuesday in just about every way. I used my yellow umbrella to get from the door to the car. I had my performance evaluation at work. I came home and made soup, then finished the reading for this week’s assignment in my master’s program. But it is not an ordinary Tuesday because it is the sixth anniversary of the worst Tuesday of my life: the one on which my mother died. And I can no longer talk to her about any of the ordinary events of my day.     Yet, today I felt a different kind of joy in several small, caring gestures—the ones I received, and the ones I gave. They...
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